5%

According to a quick Google search I just did, the rates for divorce in America are at about 50%, a very sad statistic indeed. Marriage is such a beautiful gift from the Lord and so many couples are making a mockery of it. We see people who are on their fourth or fifth marriage. Celebrities are constantly making headline news when their marriage "fails" after just a short few months (or after 55 hours if you're Brittany Spears). Marriage has become a joke and divorce has become commonplace. But we should expect that to look completely different in the Church, right? I mean these couples claim Jesus, and Jesus says in Mark 10:6-12:

"But at the beginning of creation God 'made them male and female.' 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.' So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."

Jesus is speaking quite clearly against divorce here. Apparently we're not getting the message. Divorce rates in the Church are just about as high as those outside the Church. But that's not the only problem.

If 50% of couples within the Church get divorced, that means there are still 50 couples out of every 100 that have "successful" marriages, marriages that look like what Jesus intended them to be. But if you are like me, you have clearly seen this is not the case. That's because I would not consider a marriage "successful" simply because it does not end in divorce. The couple may go to church together every Sunday, give 10% of their income away, and have a Bible that sits on their coffee table. That's enough to make them a good, successful Christian couple in the eyes of many. But it shouldn't be. This same couple rarely speaks to each other. They haven't had sex in 8 months and it's been even longer since they've prayed together. They have no idea what the other is struggling with or what is going on in each other's lives. They don't challenge or encourage each other. They do nothing to advance the kingdom of God. They simply go through the motions. Work, dinner, TV, bed, start over. They aren't happy, but they are Christians so they don't want to get a divorce. That would be horrible for their "Christian" image. So they continue on, unhappy and unwilling to change. So, are they still a successful marriage because they didn't get a divorce?

There are no numbers on this, but if you had to guess, of the 50 marriages that don't end in divorce, how many are truly successful? How many actually depict the relationship between Jesus and His bride, the Church? How many are making a larger impact on the kingdom of God than they would have if they stayed single? If I had to guess, I would say 5 at the absolute most. That means 5 out of every 100 marriages in the Church are "successful". That's 5%. So how can I make sure my marriage to Bree is a part of that 5%?

The truth is I don't really know at this point. For a long time, I took the approach of arrogance. I thought, "Bree and I have been dating for a long time. Marriage is going to be easier for us. We have Jesus, so that is good enough." Well, the other 95% claimed to have Jesus too, and look what happened. And how long Bree and I have been together has little impact on how successful our marriage will be. We will still be tested and tried, and saying "We've been together for this many years," will not get us through it. It will take leadership, compassion, encouragement, love, grace, forgiveness, mercy, and much more. That all comes from Jesus, not from us.

How will we be a part of that 5%? It all starts with Jesus. But I don't think that is where the answer ends. I think there's more to it, and I'm excited to spend the next 6 months seeking the Lord alongside Bree to find out what that is.