5%

According to a quick Google search I just did, the rates for divorce in America are at about 50%, a very sad statistic indeed. Marriage is such a beautiful gift from the Lord and so many couples are making a mockery of it. We see people who are on their fourth or fifth marriage. Celebrities are constantly making headline news when their marriage "fails" after just a short few months (or after 55 hours if you're Brittany Spears). Marriage has become a joke and divorce has become commonplace. But we should expect that to look completely different in the Church, right? I mean these couples claim Jesus, and Jesus says in Mark 10:6-12:

"But at the beginning of creation God 'made them male and female.' 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.' So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."

Jesus is speaking quite clearly against divorce here. Apparently we're not getting the message. Divorce rates in the Church are just about as high as those outside the Church. But that's not the only problem.

If 50% of couples within the Church get divorced, that means there are still 50 couples out of every 100 that have "successful" marriages, marriages that look like what Jesus intended them to be. But if you are like me, you have clearly seen this is not the case. That's because I would not consider a marriage "successful" simply because it does not end in divorce. The couple may go to church together every Sunday, give 10% of their income away, and have a Bible that sits on their coffee table. That's enough to make them a good, successful Christian couple in the eyes of many. But it shouldn't be. This same couple rarely speaks to each other. They haven't had sex in 8 months and it's been even longer since they've prayed together. They have no idea what the other is struggling with or what is going on in each other's lives. They don't challenge or encourage each other. They do nothing to advance the kingdom of God. They simply go through the motions. Work, dinner, TV, bed, start over. They aren't happy, but they are Christians so they don't want to get a divorce. That would be horrible for their "Christian" image. So they continue on, unhappy and unwilling to change. So, are they still a successful marriage because they didn't get a divorce?

There are no numbers on this, but if you had to guess, of the 50 marriages that don't end in divorce, how many are truly successful? How many actually depict the relationship between Jesus and His bride, the Church? How many are making a larger impact on the kingdom of God than they would have if they stayed single? If I had to guess, I would say 5 at the absolute most. That means 5 out of every 100 marriages in the Church are "successful". That's 5%. So how can I make sure my marriage to Bree is a part of that 5%?

The truth is I don't really know at this point. For a long time, I took the approach of arrogance. I thought, "Bree and I have been dating for a long time. Marriage is going to be easier for us. We have Jesus, so that is good enough." Well, the other 95% claimed to have Jesus too, and look what happened. And how long Bree and I have been together has little impact on how successful our marriage will be. We will still be tested and tried, and saying "We've been together for this many years," will not get us through it. It will take leadership, compassion, encouragement, love, grace, forgiveness, mercy, and much more. That all comes from Jesus, not from us.

How will we be a part of that 5%? It all starts with Jesus. But I don't think that is where the answer ends. I think there's more to it, and I'm excited to spend the next 6 months seeking the Lord alongside Bree to find out what that is.

Hope

Over the past few months, I have spent a good number of nights staying up late working on projects, writing papers, and studying for exams. On many of these nights, I would get stressed out or worked up over the amount of work I had to get done. I would just reach a point where I didn't want to be doing school work anymore. It was nothing but frustrating for me in those moments. During those nights, I had a constant recurring thought. I would think about Bree and about being married to her, and my stress would go away. I would say to myself, "I'm going to be married to Bree in a few months, and this school work isn't going to matter anymore." I would spend a few minutes looking forward to being married before resuming my work. I thought it was all good. I was just excited about being married, and there was nothing wrong with that, right?

Wrong.

A few days ago, I was studying for one of my finals when that same thought came into my head. Instead of it being a refreshment as it had been in the past, I felt really convicted about feeling the way I did. And this is why: I was putting a lot of my hope in Bree and in our marriage. In times of stress and anxiety, I was looking forward to being married to Bree instead of looking to the Father. By putting that hope in my marriage, by allowing it to be the thing that got me through the stress, I was setting myself up for destruction. I was building on the sand instead of the Rock that is Jesus Christ (Matthew 7:24-27).

Now, I'm not saying that it's a bad thing for me to look forward to my marriage. I would be a lunatic to not be excited about marrying Bree. My problem is that I am putting hope in something other than Jesus. 1 Peter 1:13 says, "Therefore, with minds that are alert and fully sober, set your hope on the grace to be brought to you when Jesus Christ is revealed at his coming." Boom. Hope in the coming of Jesus. Plain and simple. During those times of stressful study, I shouldn't be looking forward to my marriage as the endpoint of that stress. I should be looking forward to the return of Jesus!!

Nothing in this life is guaranteed. My marriage is not a given. Bree could die before then. I could give in to a temptation and cheat on her and she could call off the wedding. Any number of things could happen that would resort in the wedding not happening. And then what? If I have all this hope stored up in this marriage and then it doesn't happen, I'll crumble. It's the same with anything else we put our hope in that isn't Jesus. If it's your job, you could get fired. If it's your abilities, you could end up paralyzed or brain-dead in an accident. If it's your possessions, you could lose it all in a house fire. Thinking about these things is unpleasant, but it's sobering. The only thing that is promised to be constant is Jesus. He is the only thing we have that is stable. In Him, we can store up our hope without fear of being let down or disappointed.

My hope CANNOT lie in my marriage.

It CANNOT lie in Bree.

It MUST rest in the Rock, our Savior, Jesus Christ.

A Commitment

It's finally that time...time to write my first blog post for my first ever blog. I actually started this thing about 4 months ago, but once school rolled around, my plans to keep up with a blog got put on the back burner. But, exams are now over and I am excited to get into this thing. So let's do it!

In six months and 1 day, I will be marrying the absolutely drop-dead-gorgeous Bree Bruce. That means I have 185 days of singleness left, 185 days to learn what it looks like to be a husband before I become one. Now this time is unlike any other point in my life, and that is really exciting to me. I'm still single, but I'm also engaged to be married. It's a really interesting combination of situations. It means that I can prepare to be Bree's husband within the freedom of singleness (and by "freedom of singleness," I mean that I am not responsible for a wife). I can take the next 6 months to run after the Lord with reckless abandonment. I can, and should, be spending that time seeking the heart of the Lord, learning and growing, becoming the best possible man I can be on June 16 when I say, "I do." It's an act of honoring and serving Bree as my future wife. I would be doing her and our marriage an extreme disservice if I didn't steward the next 6 months well. I want to love both the Lord and Bree well, and my actions over the upcoming 185 days will be a pretty good measure of how I am doing with that.

So, I am committing to myself, to the Lord, to Bree, and to anyone else who has kept on reading this far to prepare for marriage to the best of my abilities over the next 6 months. I will prepare physically, emotionally, and spiritually to be a God-fearing husband that will lead and love Bree well. I expect a great deal of growth and an equal amount of failure. I will share all of it with you. That's why did I decided to start a blog. I feel like this will serve 3 main purposes:

1. It's just a good way to get my thoughts, ideas, experiences, interactions with the Lord, interactions with others, and more down on "paper" so to speak. I want to be able to look back at this time period of my life and remember what God was teaching me as He prepared me to be a husband.
2. I want to share this with other people. I pray that this will create opportunities for community with you. If you have read this, I give you the authority to speak into me and ask me about how I am preparing for marriage, how I am interacting with the Lord, how I am pursuing Bree, etc. Please encourage and challenge me with whatever you have!
3. This will serve also as a place for "virtual" Ebenezers. If you don't know what an Ebenezer is, it comes from 1 Samuel 7:12. God had just given the Israelites victory over the Philistines in battle. Samuel then set up a stone and named it Ebenezer, saying, "Thus far has the Lord helped us." This is where I will set up my "stones," sharing stories of how God has helped me. My hope is that it will be a source of encouragement for others and myself, speaking to the glory, grace, and love of our King.

That's what I've got so far. I'm excited to take this crazy journey over the next 185 days, and I am excited to share it with you. Thanks for reading!

Grace and peace.